Me: *playing Tomb Raider*
Grandmother who is visiting for the weekend: Mind if I sit with you?
Me: *squirming slightly because there is gore and swearing in this game and my grandmother is a sweet old lady: Um, if you want to.
Grandmother: *sits* Thank you, dear.
Me: *continuing to play for about five minutes*
Grandmother:
Grandmother:
Grandmother: LOOK OUT THERE ARE THREE COMING DOWN THE HILL
Grandmother: THAT WAS POINT BLANK HOW ARE THEY ALIVE
Grandmother: OOOHH YOU MADE THAT EXPLODE
Grandmother: STOP KILLING MY GRANDDAUGHTER
Grandmother: KILL THEM KILL THEM ALL
Grandmother: OHHHHH YOU SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD OHHHHHHHHH
Grandmother: RUN RUN RUN YOU'RE ABOUT TO DIE RUN
Grandmother: OKAY NOW KILL THEM ALL
Me: *slowly turns to look at her* Grandma
Grandmother: *sweet smile* Hmm?
Me: Grandma oh my god
Grandmother: *more smiling* Well, hurry up and kill everyone else, I want to see you save this Sam person.
Me:
Me:
Grandmother: Kill them.

phosphorescentt:

life goals:

independence
intelligence
financial stability
cute face
cute butt
a little scary

intpmusings:

Sometimes I wonder whether I have any real intelligence or if I just have enough random bits of surface knowledge to bullshit my way through most things.

(Source: do-not-take-this-wrong)

livinyoung-wild-confused:

mi-shellvp:

estasfuera:

“A little bit of Monica in my life,A little bit of Erica by my side,A little bit of Rita is all I need,A little bit of Tina is what I see,A little bit of Sandra in the sun,A little bit of Mary all night long,A little bit of Jessica, here I am…”

If you don’t know this reference, you’re definitely too young for me. 

Best post by far

livinyoung-wild-confused:

mi-shellvp:

estasfuera:

“A little bit of Monica in my life,
A little bit of Erica by my side,
A little bit of Rita is all I need,
A little bit of Tina is what I see,
A little bit of Sandra in the sun,
A little bit of Mary all night long,
A little bit of Jessica, here I am…”

If you don’t know this reference, you’re definitely too young for me. 

Best post by far

broken-gaydar:

starrygraveyard:

andr3wdost:

nathanieljosephruess:

herfunnyvideos:

lockedinabirdcage:

GUYS I JUST REALIZED WHY PAPER BEATS ROCK OH MY GOD

PAPER SYMBOLIZES WORDS WHICH SYMBOLIZES BRAINS

AND ROCK SYMBOLIZES BRAWN.

BRAINS OVER BRAWN.

MIND OVER MATTER.

PAPER OVER ROCK.

You clever little shit.

then what the fuck does scissors mean

lesbians

what

image

(Source: weheartit.com)

carbonite:

having boobs is the most wonderful and annoying thing ever

gayturians:

don’t say you’re a writer if you just write fanfiction for your entertainment. you’re only a writer if you kill a bear with a typewriter to appease the spirit of hemingway and slather yourself in ink in tribute to shakespeare, the one true over-penis of literature.

(Source: tastyneat)

Wait for someone who tells strangers about you.

Vodka thoughts #1 (via blossomfully)

I want to build you a library.

My idea of a perfect pickup line (via citizenjordan)

(Source: peaceisofus)

(Source: pleatedjeans)

ebrodevo:

INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE who are simultaneously GIANT DORKS are my ULTIMATE WEAKNESS

(Source: tonesawicki)

(Source: sailorscoutsforever)